How often do you go through a day without raising your voice?
Without completely losing your shit?
Do you ever sit there in the evening when your children are in bed and just think?
Think what did I really get so annoyed about?
Wonder whether it was even really worth raising your voice?
Wonder what actually made you lose your shit?
Do you sit there thinking about taking up yoga or an anger management class because you’re feeling guilty as hell?
Well this is pretty much Every. Single. Evening. for me.
My main ‘stand back I’m about to explode’ trigger is asking 100 times for something to be done.
Can you put your puzzle away please Amelia?
Amelia, can you put your puzzle away please now?!
I’m not going to tell you again!
Amelia, pick up the damn puzzle!!
How many times do I have to tell you?!
This happens literally every day. Amelia loves her puzzles and is typically good as gold and does everything I ask straight away. She passes me things, she picks up things I’ve dropped, she even put hers and Max’s nappy’s in the bin for me! Well trained or what?! (I have no idea how she got to be this brilliant and tidy!)
However on the flip side she also does this thing where she tops out a box of toys (or five) and just leaves them.. like doesn’t even play with them or anything! I think she’s likes us having to tip-toe our way through a toy mine field getting a cow or two jabbed into the bottom of our feet!
Another thing that drives me up the wall is when I have things to do and at that point Max decides to be clingy as heck and – what can only be described as a demented scream – until I pick him up.
I know I know, typical, standard toddler and baby. But sometimes it can just really grind you down!
But when I actually sit down, relax and look back completely child free, I miss them both like crazy and can’t wait until they’re up and jumping around again. I reflect, I think of everything we had done that day and know, as I do all the time, that really Amelia is good as gold, and I’m really really lucky to have such a grown up, well behaved and pretty mature almost-two-year-old. That one moment where she doesn’t listen and is whinging endlessly (or so it feels) I just snap sometimes. I yell that little bit louder or make a frustrated kind of grunt that (I think) scares Amelia a bit and makes her realise mummy is not happy.
And it’s horrible.
And I feel guilty as hell.
And I think again that maybe yoga is a good idea.
Does this sound familiar to you?