Dear Daughter ~ My Eldest Baby

Dear Daughter,

I’m sorry you have a tired mummy. A mummy that sometimes snaps at you for asking the four-thousandth question before 8am, a mummy that doesn’t play with you half as much as she would like to.

See mummy is up for more of the night because your baby brother was awake. Awake whilst you slept soundly, like you always do. Like you always have done.

I’m sorry you hear the word ‘wait’ so often. That I can’t do what you want me to all of the time like I used to.

See mummy can’t always stop feeding or changing or burping. But I will get to you as soon as I can. And I – as should the older you – take comfort in knowing that you will learn patience and acceptance.

I’m sorry that sometimes your main source of entertainment is Peppa Pig, Ben and Holly or Paw Partol.

See mummy doesn’t want you just waiting around all day for mummy. And mummy knows that you really do love watching them.

I’m sorry you sometimes get shunted to one side when all you want is a story, or a cuddle, or to play.

See mummy has to sort out your baby brother or else he will scream and shout and cry.

I’m sorry you have to grow up so fast. That mummy sometimes tells you you’re a big girl now, not a baby, to stop being silly.

See mummy knows you are still a baby too. And you’re supposed to be silly and to have tantrums and test all of our patience. Sometimes mummy just forgets for a second that’s all.

I’m sorry you have to share. Share your mummy, share your daddy, share mummy’s lap and mummy’s cuddles. Share our attention.

See mummy has two babies now. Two little people to sit on her lap and two little people to cuddle. It used to be you that had all of the cuddles, all of the attention.

I’m sorry you have to wait. Wait for mummy to have a spare hand, wait for a cuddle, wait until your baby brother has finished his bottle.

See mummy has to hold your baby brother to feed him because he’s a baby. He can’t do anything for himself yet. Not like you can. Mummy had to do it all for you too not long ago.

I’m sorry your baby brother takes up most of my time, one day you’all know. One day you’ll understand. One day you will have children of your own and experience the same tiredness/excitement/guilt/happiness/torn feeling and mixture of emotions that mummy feels every single day. Every time mummy is holding your baby brother and laughing and cuddling and you look over as if to say

what about me? 

I promise you there’s never a question of ‘what about me’. You are my everything, the most important thing in my life. You both are – and that’s why sometimes it’s so hard.

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You will be his best friend, he will be your best friend – the best gift either of you could ever ask for.

One day you’ll know. And one day the guilt will ease. 

*****

 

 

 

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11 Comments

  1. Aww – lovely! It is a juggling act. My two are very close in age so the eldest did still also need a lot of attention and help. But I think that, whatever they have both lost in my undivided attention, has been made up by what they have gained in having each other. #bestandworst

  2. Oh What a beautiful post, I cant imagine how hard it is with two, don’t let that mummy guilt overwhelm you you sound like you are doing an amazing job…I just have one and feel like I tell him wait, or if he wants a little time to watch tv, getting ready for work doing…house jobs, parenthood is a huge juggling act. Little lady will grow up knowing she is loved, as you say she will know patience and be an amazing older sister! Thank you for linking to #KCACOLS We hope you will join us next Sunday xx

  3. What a beautiful post. I never understood how much emotion and guilt I would experience as a mum until I had my daughter… double that with two to juggle and it’s bound to be bumpy ride at times, I can only imagine!! #kcacols

  4. Ahhh I remember this feeling well, I wrote a similar letter to my first born myself actually…the guilt is so consuming. But now my second baby is 18 months and already he and his big brother have such an amazing bond!! All the guilt is long forgotten Thanks so much for joining us at #SundayBest this week, we’d love to see you there again tomorrow x

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