Do You Treat Your Children Differently?

I think this question gets thought about quite a lot when you’re a parent of two or more children. Do we treat them the same? I suppose we all like to think that we treat them equally and there’s no favouritism but that would be a lie.

If you asked me right now which of my babies I liked more I would say don’t be so stupid! I love them both the same! But sometimes – maybe Amelia will be screaming for an hour non stop, or Max will be up 15 times on the night whilst Amelia sleeps right through and you just can’t help but prefer one over the other at that time – meaning you treat one better and differently to the other.

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Sometimes they both just scream for no reason and I’m not overly keen or either of them then I feel like a good parent again for liking, or slightly disliking, them just the same again.

At the end of the day our children are totally different people just like we are. No two people are the same and it’s right for children too. They’re all different and some days we will get on with one more than the other. We will clash with them just like we do others and maybe one of our children will be a ‘mini-me’ and we will get on with that one the most because there the most like you.

They all have their own very different personalities and different needs and require different types/styles of attention from each parent.

So I think the answer to this question – unless your children are clones – is yes. We do treat our children differently.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. 

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24 Comments

  1. I definitely treat my children differently. They are so very different to each other and respond very differently to things that I have to treat them differently in nearly everything. But ultimately they are loved the same and that’s the main thing! #marvmondays

  2. My two are so very different! It goes without saying that I love them both exactly the same, but I think there is a difference in how Dads treat their sons and daughters and same with Mums to an extent? My hubby is so patient with our daughter and if she falls over or has a bump he will rush to her aid and make sure she’s ok with cuddles and lots of sympathy. If our youngest falls over (our son) he’ll just ruffle his hair and say “Up you get son. Man up.” You’re totally right though – they are each different little people and so even though they are loved the same, they will inevitably be treated a little differently from time to time. x #BigPinkLink

    1. Hash that sounds exactly like my OH! Our son is only a baby but there’s definitely more of a ‘you’re a boy man up’ mentality there. The main thing is that they’re both loved and both get attention and know that. Thanks for reading

  3. Great share over at Mommy Monday, I have just one child but I did see my mom and in laws and friends treat each child differently. I don’t think you can get away from that. All children offer something different that a parent might gravitate to. I don’t feel it is necessarily wrong unless you are blatantly being mean or putting your children in danger.I have several siblings and I totally treat them each differently so connection as parent can’t be too far from that as well.

  4. As a general rule, I treat my girls the same. However, when it comes to discipline, they are treated differently because they respond differently. I can genuinely say that I love them equally though, they are both fabulous girls…well most of the time they are LOL #MMBC

    1. Haha yes I understand what you mean. We give them the same love and hugs which I think is the main thing 🙂 Thankyou for reading

  5. Thanks for the honest answer! I think most people are afraid to admit it…like it’s a bad thing, but why would you treat them the same? As you say, they aren’t clones. And they need different things at different times. To treat them the same would be a disservice 🙂 #mmbc

    1. Thankyou 🙂 I think we all should be more truthful and honest about subjects such as this one. It doesn’t make me, you or anyone else a bad mum just because they aren’t treated exactly the same! Thankyou for reading 🙂

  6. My children have a 7 year age gap and the younger one has complex disabilities. If I treated them exactly the same it would be unfair to both. I love them both equally but they need different things from me and my role is to provide for what they actually need.

    1. And I think as long as you love them equally and treat them both right that’s the main thing! I have a toddler and a baby so it’s impossible to treat them both the same also. Thankyou for reading

  7. I love that you admit to something not many parents want to. It’s completely normal to like one child slightly more and which child that is changes depending on the day, the attitude, the behavior, etc. #bigpinklink

    1. Definitely! I hope it can make parents realise it’s okay to treat them differently and it doesn’t make you a bad mother or father for doing so. Thankyou for reading

  8. I think we have to treat our kids differently because they are different. What works for one may not work for the other, especially in terms of punishments or motivations. I know my kids struggled to understand that when they were younger but they understand now that they are much older. So you’re 100% right – it’s not a bad thing because kids are just like us, we’re all different. Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

    1. Thanks for commenting! 🙂 I remember when I was younger and got really annoyed that my brothers and I were all treated differently and it seemed to take having my own to realise that it’s just impossible to treat us the same! I just hope I can help my two to understand that they have to be treated differently and that’s okay 🙂

  9. Mr J keeps calling my second born my favourite but of course that isn’t the case. He’s just a more laidback child but of course that doesn’t mean I favour him, but you are correct in saying we treat our children differently, but not in a bad way; sometimes they need different things and as you say, they’re all different people! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

  10. I completely treat my little ones differently, mainly because you have to take into account their age, but when all is quite at the end of the night I love them equally. 🙂

    Emily – Babies and Beauty #marvmondays

  11. This is something we were discussing with my colleagues the other day, I only have the one child but we would eventually like another and it’s one of my husbands biggest fears, to have a favourite. I’m one of two and I don’t feel my parents had a favourite, I’m the oldest so my brother got away with a lot more than I did but then again he was better behaved and my mum and I clashed more during my teens. I do think its a case of treating them according to their individual personalities but you would love them both the same x #MarvMondays

  12. Hi Amie, you are totally right, and it’s true for everyone in our lives even ourselves, don’t you think? But how we treat our children isn’t a reflection on how we feel about them. I treat my two differently because they themselves are totally different in personality and what works for one won’t work for the other and visa versa. But at the end of the day, I would protect them equally. They maybe 19 and 16 now, but they will always be my little cubs!

    Thank you for linking to the #MMBC.

    xx

  13. I agree. There are moments in time when we definitely treat our children differently to one another, and that is in part because of what is happening during that moment, and in part because of the type of child they are. I dont think there is anything wrong with that at all 🙂 Great post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily

  14. I have only 1 child but our extended family is quite large but very close. When I get my nieces and nephews, I find myself trying to treat everyone “the same” as my kid. But you are so right…I love them all so very much, but some days…one is a complete punk and I’m not a fan, and some days that one is my kid. Great post. #madaboutblog

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