I love my children. I love their cuddles, I love feeding them, I love their chubby little baby faces and pursed little lips as they sleep. I love babies. But I wonly be the mother always holding them.
Now before people think I’m a horrible mother, I really do love cuddles and holding them whilst they sleep but I just don’t want to be
that mother that has no choice but to hold their baby and struggles to get on with the simplest tasks during the day.
Me without sleep is like a car without an engine. Useless.
One of my biggest fears when Amelia was born was that I would make her too reliant on cuddles and being close to me that she would never settle on her own meaning I wouldn’t ever be able to get her to sleep (and stay asleep) easily and I wouldn’t be able to do things that I needed to do during the day.
In some ways this has worked a dream. Amelia has always slept right through the night and in her 18 months we’ve only been kept up a handful of times, never passed midnight. She loves bedtime and once in bed she is able to settle herself easily without kicking and screaming. In the mornings when she wakes she is happy with her own company and will sit there babbling away entertaining herself until lazy mummy and daddy are ready to face the day. All day she is so happy playing by herself when I’m busy doing the laundry or the dishes and she barely makes a fuss. Even now with baby Max it’s super easy to just get on with the day without being tied to the sofa and enduring endless screaming until I’m holding him once again. He’s exactly the same other that the sleep stuff.
But I have to admit it does have its downfalls, it’s drawbacks. As lovely as it sounds being able to do whatever I want and even have a nap during the day if I’m especially tired, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Amelia is so independent that 99% of the time you will struggle to get a cuddle without a battle. She’s so on the go 24/7 that when there comes a time that she just has to just sit down on mine or someone else’s lap it’s a constant fight to get her to stay still for more than 2 minutes.
Even though I totally stand by my choice of not always holding my babies I do have some.. regrets may be the wrong word – but similar. It’s a horrible feeling not being able to cuddle my very feisty and independent toddler but I wouldn’t change her or her personality for the world and I know she has that personality from the way she was raised, knowing that she is loved and that mummy and daddy are always there whenever she needs them but it’s okay to be her own person and be happy and comfortable in her own company.
Just like her mummy and daddy.