Why I’m Not The Mum Always Holding Her Baby

I love my children. I love their cuddles, I love feeding them, I love their chubby little baby faces and pursed little lips as they sleep. I love babies. But I wonly be the mother always holding them.

Now before people think I’m a horrible mother, I really do love cuddles and holding them whilst they sleep but I just don’t want to be that mother that has no choice but to hold their baby and struggles to get on with the simplest tasks during the day.

Me without sleep is like a car without an engine. Useless.

One of my biggest fears when Amelia was born was that I would make her too reliant on cuddles and being close to me that she would never settle on her own meaning I wouldn’t ever be able to get her to sleep (and stay asleep) easily and I wouldn’t be able to do things that I needed to do during the day.

In some ways this has worked a dream. Amelia has always slept right through the night and in her 18 months we’ve only been kept up a handful of times, never passed midnight. She loves bedtime and once in bed she is able to settle herself easily without kicking and screaming. In the mornings when she wakes she is happy with her own company and will sit there babbling away entertaining herself until lazy mummy and daddy are ready to face the day. All day she is so happy playing by herself when I’m busy doing the laundry or the dishes and she barely makes a fuss. Even now with baby Max it’s super easy to just get on with the day without being tied to the sofa and enduring endless screaming until I’m holding him once again. He’s exactly the same other that the sleep stuff.


But I have to admit it does have its downfalls, it’s drawbacks. As lovely as it sounds being able to do whatever I want and even have a nap during the day if I’m especially tired, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Amelia is so independent that 99% of the time you will struggle to get a cuddle without a battle. She’s so on the go 24/7 that when there comes a time that she just has to just sit down on mine or someone else’s lap it’s a constant fight to get her to stay still for more than 2 minutes.

Even though I totally stand by my choice of not always holding my babies I do have some.. regrets may be the wrong word – but similar. It’s a horrible feeling not being able to cuddle my very feisty and independent toddler but I wouldn’t change her or her personality for the world and I know she has that personality from the way she was raised, knowing that she is loved and that mummy and daddy are always there whenever she needs them but it’s okay to be her own person and be happy and comfortable in her own company.

Just like her mummy and daddy.


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  1. Peachy is exactly the same way. She is only 10 months old, but she too has slept through the night very early on, she entertains herself in the morning until I come and get her, and she is a very independent baby. She is often on the go and in search of adventure but she does have her snuggly moments. I do wonder if she’s missing out on anything because I’m not holding her 24/7. With the big baby wearing trend it’s easy to feel insecurities in this regard. But maybe we just have particularly independent babies. #happynowlinkup

    1. I think as long as they’re happy then that’s the main thing. I definitely feel more sad about not having as many cuddles now than she does and I do occasionally get some cuddles whilst she’s engrossed in peppa pig! Ha. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

  2. It’s hard to find that happy balance, my mummy didn’t hold me at night but during the day there was lots of cuddles. I’m not clingy and really independent, but thankfully I still want my mummy if I’m sleepy during the day or upset. My mummy is going to miss the cuddles when I’m older x #TwinklyTuesday #DreamTeam

    1. I miss the cuddles too. Sometimes I wonder what the best decision is but she’s a really happy baby so I know I did something right 🙂 Thankyou for reading x

  3. Oh i love this. I have a 21 month old, who as my first born, I did pretty much cuddle her 24/7. Made life harder than needed to be. Being pregnant with #2, we are deciding to make a conscious decision to put the baby down more and let them learn that it’s okay to be on their own sometimes. #dreamteam

    1. Thankyou for reading, I found it was just something I always thought and didn’t really think about my reasons until a few months after she was born

    1. Whatever works for the family is the best way 🙂 I may have another child that needs attention and cuddles all day and night whereas these two don’t, I guess it’s down to the individual child on that respect. Thankyou for your comment 🙂

  4. It’s a tough choice, isn’t it? I’m one of those mothers that chose to cuddle and hold my newborns as much as possible. Perhaps that’s partly because 2 of them spent some time in the NICU, and I felt deprived of that time together. But I truly believe that there isn’t one right choice for all families. You did what’s best for you. And you’ll get those cuddles again someday! Thanks so much for joining the #happynowlinkup!

  5. Girlfriend… I hear you! I love my kids to bits..but i’ve got things to do. aside from that.. i want them to be able to be happy and content without being attached to me. Its better for them no? thanks for sharing #familyfun

    1. Well I think it definitely is better for them as well as us. If you know they love you and they know you love them then that’s all that matters! Thankyou for reading 🙂

  6. Ah parenting is not a one size fits all and what works for one doesn’t work for another and anyone who judges another mum should just do one. You do what works for you and what is best for your family. My daughter is now 2, whilst she was very reliant on my for the first year of her life she started to wean herself off cuddles and reliance on me to go to sleep and now she is put down and goes to sleep happily on her own and I love it and am not ashamed to admit it. It makes my life, her life, my sons and partners life so much easier. She also went through a phase of b img fiercely Independant and wouldn’t have time for a cuddle…now she is still a busy body but loves a little cuddle…so i guess like everything it may well just be a phase that phases and if it isn’t so what like you said you wouldn’t change her personality for the world 😊 Thank you for sharing at #familfyfun xx

    1. Hopefully it is a phase, I would like the occasional cuddle and not just one out of jealousy because I’m holding her brother! Haha. Thankyou again for commenting and reading 🙂

  7. Its a difficult situation,Sometimes, I leave my toddlers alone in the room to let him spend time without his Mom around and entertain himself.#FamilyFun

  8. This really resonates as I have a very independent daughter too, but we haven’t yet cracked sleeping through sighhh. However I know what you mean about the lack of cuddle action! Thank you for linking up to #dreamteam xx

  9. That’s perfectly fine! Every one parents differently. Your children are still breathing and happy yes!!
    I have a very independent 15 month old. I’ve carried him everywhere and spent every day and night with him when he wakes up. Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

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